


What A Strange Girl You Are

by LoveLikeAnAntivan



Category: Carol (2015), Carol (2015) RPF, The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Carol movie - Freeform, F/F, Female Homosexuality, Female-Centric, Lesbian Character, The price of salt - Freeform, patricia highsmith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-01 06:27:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6504433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveLikeAnAntivan/pseuds/LoveLikeAnAntivan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Do you want to know what happened after the end? Let me tell you...</p><p>"There's so much to forgive. So much to talk about, so much to learn, and so much to love about you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Her heart was racing. She walked the whole way from the party to the restaurant on foot, but she didn’t even realize that it took her almost half an hour. The reality around her felt as if it was slowed down, running on a different speed than herself, as if it happened in a different dimension and didn’t matter at all. And to her, it really didn’t. 

When she finally arrived to the fancy restaurant at Madison Ave, she couldn’t even respond to the waiter asking her if she wishes a table for one. She just shook her head in his direction without making any effort for an eye contact, and rushed to the dining hall. He gave her a puzzled look, but didn’t try to stop her. 

The lights were bright but warm, giving every table a cozy and homelike feeling. The hall was filled with joyful chatter and clinking of wine glasses and beer bottles, mainly due to the advanced hour, accompanied by an intimately muffled sound of a blues band. Therese’s eyes flew across the room, and at first she couldn’t see her. Her core filled with an unpleasant, ice-cold feeling of disappointment, accompanied by a slight nausea. Maybe they left already? Or maybe they didn’t even go here at all in the first place. What are the chances that they will meet again? Will she have to go to Abby to beg for her new address, oh boy, the horror! Therese was sure that Abby would have a word or two to tell her about the way she treated her best and beloved friend. 

The panic flushed redness into her cheeks. 

But she would explain herself. She would tell her that she has been a complete fool for refusing Carol’s offer, for denying her own feelings in such a horrendous and torturous way, for hurting Carol the way she did, for… 

Her line of thought was cut through by the sound of a too familiar laugh. Therese’s heart skipped a beat as she finally spotted the golden waves, a flash of red lipstick as she threw her head back slightly in her laughter. She was wearing a simple grey skirt suit and pearls, the same what she wore just a few hours ago, back at the hotel restaurant, giving her an eased, but still very classy aura. Her eyes were locked on the man on her right, obviously the heart of the current conversation. Therese kept staring at that familiar face as she found her way closer among the other tables. She walked slowly, as if she didn’t want to startle the woman, so that she wouldn’t suddenly disappear, like a cigarette smoke does in the chilly evening air. When she was close enough, too close perhaps, she stopped. Therese stood there with a wildly beating heart, observing Carol’s every graceful move, as she kept being a skilled part of her company’s conversation. Therese felt very intensely that she wouldn’t be able to take this for much longer. Her knees started giving up, and without a very quick drink, she may even pass out. 

And then, after so many endless seconds, maybe minutes, as Therese stood there helplessly, Carol laid her eyes upon her. 

At first, her face showed no emotion, just like if she just locked eyes with a random stranger. The time has stopped, and suddenly, it was just the two of them in the room. Then, her emerald eyes widened by surprise when she realized who she’s looking at. Therese could almost hear her confused and dumbfounded thoughts. Carol's mouth opened as she let a soft exhale slip through her lips, and eventually, a slight trace of a smile appeared on her face. She nodded at Therese, as a greeting, but also as an invitation. 

 

 

Therese finally managed to unstick her suddenly so heavy feet from the ground, and trying to keep her face steady, she slowly walked towards her. 

 

“What a delightful surprise that you could make it after all,” Carol said calmly, her voice sounding like gold honey, but Therese saw the sparkles of excitement in her eyes, felt the too tight pressure of Carol’s hand on her own. “Everyone, this is Therese, a very dear friend of mine.” 

Therese tried to smile socially and looked around the people at the table. The three men stood up immediately, ready to shake her hand. She missed all of their names. The other woman present introduced herself as Martha, a girlfriend of one of the men. She wore a pants suit and had short, permed black hair. 

“It is lovely to finally meet you, Therese. Carol has told us so much about you, haven’t you, darling?” 

Carol just smiled, but Therese felt her grip become even tighter. A warm feeling of comfort spread all through her, like a faint alcohol intoxication. She knew, finally, that this is where she was supposed to be tonight. 

They sat down and Therese ordered a glass of white wine. She tried to join their conversation occasionally, just for the sake of the situation not getting unnecessarily uncomfortable. Carol wore an elated and relaxed mask, like she always did in public, but Therese was close enough to her to feel her body slightly shaking, and to smell the waves of her perfume, caused by her body heat. But Carol was keeping her distance, as though she was also scared not to ruin this moment by being too eager. 

 

“Ah, speaking of hilarious cocktail parties, I will never ever forget that one time, that one time when I invited you over for a cocktail party at our house and you brought Abby with you. Do you remember?” Martha could barely stop herself from laughter, “she’s had one too many Whiskey Sours and ended up hitting on my sister.”

Carol rolled her eyes with a smirk. 

“Oh please, don’t make me think of that terrible embarrassment again. She also barfed from the passenger’s seat window of my car that night.”

“Oh, good old Abby. She’s such a disaster! How is she doing at all? Is she finally about to settle down, or does she keep chasing skirts around diners?” one of the men asked, and gave Therese a joyful wink. She just smiled back shyly and hid her blush behind her wineglass. 

Carol cleared her throat and gave him an amused look. 

“I frankly do not think she is anywhere near that phase. But from what I’ve been through so far, I wouldn’t recommend any rushed decisions.”

She shot a quick look at Therese as everyone laughed, but Therese felt a sudden feeling of uncertainty pierce through her heart. Maybe it was a remark about her marriage with Harge, her relationship with Abby, or her declaration of love for Therese. Or maybe all of them. 

Therese chased the thought of this whole thing being a terrible mistake away immediately, and returned Carol the smile. 

“Well, my friends, I think I’ve had enough of the below-average wine, that has been such a poor accompaniment to this excellent evening,” Carol said, and got up as she spoke. 

“Ah don’t be silly, you charmer. It was great to see you. Maybe with summer at our fingertips, we’ll make plans for some barbecue, or something? Anyways, get home safe, you two,” Martha chattered and gave Carol three kisses on the cheek. 

“Therese, are you coming?”

Therese looked up at Carol, and only now it occurred to her where this situation is going. 

“I- yes, I am,” she stuttered and got up, too. She felt as if her legs were made of jelly.

“A barbecue is a brilliant idea. Let’s give the boys something to play with,” Carol exclaimed and grinned at the three men, as she waved them goodbye. 

“Bye, it was nice to meet you all,” Therese called to them all, getting a bunch of knowing looks and friendly waves. 

“Shall we take a taxi, or do you want to walk? My apartment is just a few blocks away from here. It’s nothing fancy yet, but I’d love to show you, anyway.” 

As she went to pick up her coat at the cloakroom, Carol kept talking as if there was nothing unusual about the whole situation. As if taking Therese to her new flat would be the most casual thing in the world. Therese couldn’t help but feel a slight annoyance with Carol’s self-assured way of coping with her nervousness. 

“Carol, I’d rather just go home, I think.”

She felt the burning look on herself. 

“Thank you, good night,” Carol almost whispered to the attendant who helped her into her coat and walked towards the exit without looking back at Therese. 

“Don’t be foolish, dear. I live nearby, and it’s gotten way too late for it to be suitable for a young dame like yourself to be wandering around Midtown.” 

Once again, Therese felt like a little child being bossed around by its impatient mother. Eventually, she followed her, but they both knew that the unwillingness was partly just an act. 

They didn’t talk anymore. The night New York air was chilly, and soft spring rain was falling down on the streets, not an unpleasant thing after all the smoking and drinking. Their footsteps were echoing on the empty streets as they made their way around the Madison Square Park, down to the 7th Ave. Therese’s head was spinning, a headache cocktail made of wine, excitement, angst, love and anger. She couldn’t wait for the door of Carol’s flat to shut closed behind them, for many different reasons. Therese looked up at her to catch a glimpse of the radiant, although a little tired face of a woman who made her world turn upside down.


	2. Chapter 2

“Ah, where’s the damn key!” Carol let out an annoyed sigh as she rummaged through the contents of her handbag. Therese could see how nervous she was. Good, she thought, at least I am not the only one. She couldn’t wait to get inside, her feet and hands were freezing after the short walk. 

“Here it is. So. Please, Therese, do come in.” 

Carol opened the door for her with a smile, and Therese entered. 

The first thing she noticed was the smell of fresh wall paint, mixed with the ground smell of freshly made wood furniture. Therese started taking her shoes off, but Carol laid a hand on her shoulder and frowned.

“Oh my, don’t. I can’t guarantee how clean the floors are. Care to look around?” 

As they took their coats off, Carol offered Therese her elbow and took her for a stroll around the spacey place. 

The living room was made out in the pastel colors of dark marsh and deep pink, making it feel cozy and welcoming. Therese could tell that Carol really does have an eye for furniture, because every piece was unique and had its place as if it’s always been there. The plaidweave sofa, the library with rounded edges, the glass coffee table with a bowl of dried flowers on it, even the impressive alcohol cabinet. Carol noticed Therese’s eyes lingering on it and purred a deep, entertained laugh. 

“Shall I fix you something?” 

“Oh, no, there’s no way I am going to drink anything more tonight. Thank you.” 

Carol’s glance lingered at her for a while longer, her expression not giving away any of her thoughts. 

“Alright,” she almost whispered then, “I’ll get something myself. Feel free to have a look around.” 

But instead, Therese just crashed on the couch, not caring about any more artistically decorated rooms in Carol’s flat, no matter how impressive they indeed were. She just wanted to talk, and sleep, in no particular order. The silent sounds of Carol making herself a whisky soda, the gurgle of the alcohol, the muffled tinkle of the ice cubes in the glass as she walked back to the sofa, were making her want to sleep even more. But not now. There’s too much that needs to be said, and Therese couldn’t wait any longer. 

“Carol,” she breathed out and raised her glance to meet the other woman’s wide eyes.

“Yes?” 

Carol sat down on the matching armchair on the opposite side of the coffee table, taking a sip from the glass, her look locked on Therese. 

“I feel like I must tell you what happened. Judging by the fact that you took me home with you, I guess you will be willing to listen.”

Carol leaned back in her armchair, a light smile dancing on her face. She closed her eyes and shook her head. 

“Maybe, in fact, I should be the one to start this conversation. I may have overestimated the whole situation. Back in the hotel, what I said, I mean. No, no. Don’t interrupt me when I speak.”

A slight flush of redness came to Carol’s face. Therese could tell she was finally letting her emotions go, which, in Carol’s case, was a scary and fascinating thing to watch. But she also realized this was not what she expected to happen. Anxiously, she sat up straight and waited for what Carol had to say.

“This whole thing has been a mess from the start. I don’t know what you did to me, nor do I know what I did to you, to make things go as far as they did. You know what was the first thing that flew through my mind when I first saw you at Macy’s? I looked up from the train set, and caught you staring at me. And my thought at that moment was, oh heavens, she wants me. Then you sent me my gloves, went for a lunch with a complete stranger, you even came to my house, for crying out loud. We barely knew each other, and you joined me along for the trip across the states. From the department store on, from every look, from every word and every touch of yours, I could feel that you wanted me. Isn’t that right, Therese?” 

Carol’s voice was becoming louder. Therese could see a small vein appearing on her temple. How did she manage to turn her own apology process into something so completely different? 

“Yes Carol, yes it is. I did want you, and if you would please just let me speak now, I -“ 

“No, that I will not do. You listen to me now. So you played along, you let yourself be seduced and lead all the way to my bed. I was happy too, you know? I am not someone who falls in love easily, in fact, I don’t believe I have ever really been in love with anyone. In deep, blinding, crippling love for which I would give up my own life if I had to. Not until I met you.” 

Therese could feel her eyes starting to tear up. This wasn’t at all going in the direction she originally intended. 

“Carol, I’m-“ 

“But then my husband decided that it is no longer okay for me to be happy. Not with someone else, not somewhere else than in his little golden cage that he has built for me. He started threatening me with what’s dearer to me than anything, or anyone, in this whole damn world. Harge tried to take my daughter away from me, blamed it on my insanity, on my lunatic lesbian mind beyond repair, a morality clause even. I woke up from the dream I had with you, into something that I always knew in the back of my mind. Into the reality of the fact that Harge is the father of my child, and it is entirely within his power to take her away from me. I don’t want to school you about the feelings of a mother, you will maybe know them yourself one day, or you won’t. But the point I am trying to make is that you have been so supportive and understanding of my struggle, of my silent war with Harge, but for some reason this lasted only until I decided that I can no longer choose between my love for you and for Rindy. It is a different love, yes. A very different love, it is even beyond me why there’s one name for two such different feelings. But they were equally important for my happiness.” 

Carol was shouting at this point. A single tear of anger has rolled down her cheek as she was clenching the faceted glass, the ice cubes ringing as her hand shook. Therese didn’t even try to object any longer. 

“I bowed my head down and let him take my daughter, for the sake of her happiness, and also my happiness, that are so crucial for my sanity. Her puzzled looks and confused questions about our endless quarrels were driving me mad, for I was unable to explain to her that her mother no longer loves her father. But at the same time, I was filled with love so fierce and reckless that I decided to just close my eyes and take the leap. And when I couldn’t fight it any longer, when I couldn’t fight Harge any longer, I signed the papers and ran straight to you. I kept you waiting, I know. I let you down and kept you away, but what use would it have if you could see me? It would only make matters worse, and I would torture you by my blank presence. But what did you do after I found all the strength that was left in me and confessed my love for you?” 

Therese’s head was spinning from hearing the echo of Carol’s raised voice over and over again. She inhaled deeply and wiped the tears off her cheeks. 

“Carol please stop this,” she whined shakily, unable to look into the furious eyes any longer. 

“I left everything, everything! I left my comfortable, picturesque life, I left my damned silver cutlery, expensive Persian carpets and satin sheets and seemingly spotless marriage, I left my daughter, for my god’s sake, and all that for you! Only to get a no in response! And then you come back to sit with me and my friends as if nothing happened, and expect me to be calm about it? I would have strangled you on the spot if I could!”

“ _Carol stop!_ ” Therese exclaimed and jumped up from the sofa. The loudness of her own voice surprised her. Carol looked up at her, her chest rising up and down as she breathed heavily from anger. 

“This is enough. I came to say how sorry I am. I came to try and mend what I broke so carelessly, to tell you that I can’t live without you. As you left from the hotel, I felt as if the air suddenly turned into dust and I couldn’t take a full breath anymore. I wanted to ask for forgiveness, and instead you just throw all these accusations in my face, as if I wasn’t aware of them enough already. You weren’t a saint all the way through yourself, you know. You just left me along the road, leaving me with Abby and a letter full of excuses.”

“Very well then. Perhaps you should just go.”

“What?” 

Therese rolled her eyes out. “What did you just say?” 

“I told you to fucking leave.” 

Carol’s voice was suddenly calm and as cold as ice.

For a few seconds, Therese just stood there completely dumbfounded. She couldn’t catch a breath, as if Carol just knocked the wind out of her chest with her words. Alright, she thought to herself, I’m either going to storm out of the door and never come back, losing her forever. Which is something I should definitely do, because this has been more than enough drama that I have never signed up for. Or… 

 

Therese made a hesitant step towards Carol’s armchair. It’s either now or never. She has to take the last chance she has got to make Carol believe her. Her heart was racing in her chest as she bowed down to get her face as close to Carol as possible. She inhaled the scent of her expensive perfume, alcohol, hairspray and cigarette smoke, and as Carol turned her face with a surprised expression towards her, Therese caught her head with both of her palms, and pressed her lips against Carol’s. An explosion of burning desire that has been held back for such a long time exploded in her stomach and her knees got weak. Carol gasped for air, her eyes giving away the same desire that Therese just felt, and closed her eyes to kiss her again. 

“I hate you for doing this to me,” Carol whispered shakily into Therese’s neck as she placed her kisses along it, "there's yet so much to forgive. So much to talk about, so much to learn, and so much to love about you.”

Therese couldn’t help a silent, desperate moan escaping her lips as more tears started running down her cheeks.

“Please, forgive me. I need you.” 

Carol caught her face with her palms, and wiped the tears away with a slow movement of her thumbs. 

“My angel,” she whispered, and got up, “come.” 

Terese just kept standing there, completely lost, and Carol caught her hand and lead her back to the hallway. From there, she entered another door that revealed a bedroom with a heavy king-size bed, a boudoir table with three impressive mirrors, and a floor-to-ceiling wardrobe. Green was a dominant color again, this time combined with different shades of beige and dark brown. The whole room emitted an earthly feeling of home. Therese could smell the freshly washed sheets and hints of carol’s body cream that she always used after her evening shower. 

“Take your clothes off.” 

Therese recognized the familiar bossy tone. But she didn’t mind anymore. She wanted to be Carol’s. She wanted her to do anything she wanted with her. She gave the older woman a shy look, but started unbuttoning the sweater she wore over her black dress hesitantly. Carol sat on the bed and watched her with a strange spark in her eye.

“Will you?” Therese whispered, as she sat next to Carol and turned her back to her, so that she could unzip her dress. Carol did, slowly, and as she let it fall off Therese’s shoulders, she covered them with kisses, as soft and passing like touches of butterfly wings. 

Therese turned her face to her and tried to calm her breath. They looked each other in the eyes, and just as Carol drew in for another kiss, Therese moved away. 

“I must tell you something. I do not care about the consequences anymore. I just need to let it out.” 

Carol’s face suddenly became worried. 

“What is it, then?” 

Therese bit her lower lip. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. 

“I love you.”

A relieved smile spread across Carol’s face as she tilt her head to the side and palmed Therese’s cheek. 

“You do?” 

“I… I have never said this before, to anyone. But I know that this is the time and the place, and I don’t care about the consequences.” 

“My little darling,” Carol laughed, “the only consequences of this will be a slight headache in the morning, but I swear I’ll make you a good breakfast to chase it away.” 

“No,” Therese frowned and looked at Carol sheepishly, “If you think I’m only saying this because I’m drunk, then that’s definitely not the case.” 

“Whenever have I suggested such a thing?” 

“You didn’t, I don’t know, I just… I just…” Therese’s words started to stop in her throat as she felt another wave of tears coming up. 

“I just want you to kiss me again, please.” 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your kind support! It's so inspiring to see that people are enjoying my writing. Here, have one tormented Carol and a promise of more chapters to come, as a thank you! <3 
> 
> P.S.: I would like to dedicate this chapter to the amazing catecentric (catecentric.tumblr.com) whose blog has been a major inspiration.

The sound of calm Saturday traffic and silent tapping of rain on the window sill woke her up. Therese sat up in the bed, her eyes widened in shock. 

Where am I? 

That was the first thing that flew through her mind as she looked around. But of course, the realization didn’t last all that long. 

An explosion of butterflies blew up in her stomach when she remembered what has happened last night, and where she actually was. She took a deep breath and filled her lungs with the scent of Carol’s sleep that was surrounding her. 

Is this really happening? 

Then she closed her eyes and laid back down, trying to preserve this moment for a little bit longer. She could hear the muffled rattling of kitchen utensils and silent music coming from another room. Therese would swear she could hear Carol singing along silently, and it only made her feel warmer and cozier where she was. 

After a while or two, the bedroom door opened and the sight took Therese’s breath away, once again. Carol stood there barefoot, wearing nothing but a slightly transparent white night dress and a thick, crimson red bathrobe. In her hands she carried a tray with two cups of what appeared to be tea with milk, toasts with butter and honey, a bowl of blueberries and strawberries and a cup of white yoghurt. 

“Good morning, sleepy-head,” Carol purred, her voice still covered by the not-so-distant sleep, “did you sleep well? I suppose you did, since you took up the most of my bed. I should have remembered that from our trip and left you on the couch.”

“Oh my, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to. I hope I didn’t disturb you too much? You should have just woken me up and scold me, I would’ve behaved.” 

Carol just smiled and put the tray down on the bedsheets. 

“I highly doubt that.” 

Then she sat down next to Therese, her legs crossed, and looked down at her with a warming smirk. 

“I’m glad you came yesterday… To the party, I mean.” 

Therese looked at Carol in slight disbelief as she chuckled and took a bite of a strawberry dipped in yoghurt. A bit of the yoghurt got stuck in the corner of her mouth, and Therese felt a sudden urge to kiss it off. But Carol noticed herself, wiped it off with her thumb and licked it off, maintaining a playful eye contact.

“I- I suppose.” 

She sat up, covered her chest with the sheets nervously, and took the cup in her both hands, smelling the bittery soft vapor of the fresh black tea. 

“I didn’t mean to make you embarrassed, my darling. After all… Maybe I should apologize for the hysterical scene that I performed yesterday. I was… Nervous. And somehow hurt. And I wanted you to see.” 

Carol didn’t look at her as she spoke, instead she seemed to look at something in the distance, beyond the rain-covered window. 

Therese sighed deeply. She stroked Carol’s arm with the palm of her hand. 

“You had the absolute right to be angry. And hurt. I can not blame you for this. And what I said last night… I meant it. I really did.” 

Carol finally looked at her, those intense, deep green eyes of hers glittering with something Therese couldn’t really put a finger on. 

“What a strange girl you are,” Carol breathed out, and put her own hand on Therese’s, “but now, eat. I went to get the fresh fruits to the greengrocer down at the corner, so you better stuff your pretty face with it.” 

As an answer to that, Therese took a handful of blueberries and stuffed them all in her mouth. When she was done chewing, she gave Carol a wide smile, showing off her purple-stained teeth. 

“Oh how unsightly,” she laughed, and ate some herself, “let’s be in this together.” And she sticked her own purple tongue out. In that moment, a strange bolt of lust flew through Therese, when she remembered the wonders Carol can do with it. Carol pretended not to notice anything. 

 

“What are you doing tonight?” Carol asked casually, as she laid on the bed, watching Therese putting her clothes on. Therese looked up from the buttons of her bra and smiled. 

“Whatever you are, if you wish.” 

“Excellent. I feel like some Audrey Hepburn tonight. I was wondering if you’d maybe like to go see a movie with me.”

Carol took a pause, observing Therese carefully.

“Would you?” 

Therese nodded. 

“I do love watching beautiful women being beautiful, how could I ever say no to an evening with you and Audrey?”

Carol laughed loudly, her eyes sparkling with that strange something, again. 

“You charmer. Come here, will you.” 

Therese squinted her eyes and bit her upper lip. Then she crossed her arms on her chest.

“Make me.” 

Carol’s eyebrows went up almost unnoticeably. She tilted her head and a knowing, calm smile spread across her face. 

“Please,” she breathed out and felt her whole body tingling. 

Therese shook her head. “M-m, try harder.” 

Carol’s lips parted as she let out an excited, but seemingly distraught sigh. She laid on her back slowly, keeping her eyes pinned to Therese’s flushed face. Then she spread her legs slightly, and put the palms of her hands on her thighs. After a small pause, she started rolling her night dress up slowly. It made her excited beyond measure to see Therese’s eyes running across her body, and her chest going up and down with shallowing breathing. When the rim of the nightgown was just below Carol’s loins, she stopped. 

“More,” Therese whispered, trying her best not to allow her voice to shake. She felt the blood rushing to her face, and longed for Carol’s hands and lips, but wanted to see where she herself was willing to go. 

To her surprise, Carol put one hand up to her face, put her middle finger in her mouth, and then she ran it back down to her crotch. As the finger disappeared under the soft lace, Carol bent her head back on the pillow, letting out a longing sigh, as she started to move her hand at a slow pace. 

Therese gulped and felt the heat in her own loins getting stronger. Carol was so beautifully attractive, she could hardly believe her eyes. She looked like a Greek goddess, the long, marble legs spread on the curled bedsheets, the thin but strong body responding to the touches of her own hand, her swan-neck and her soft, warm lips that were made to be kissed and caressed, the face of an angel framed by the now messy, golden waves. 

“Therese,” Carol whispered, “Therese… Please.” 

But she didn’t answer. Just a little longer.  

Carol’s face was turning slightly red. The veins on her neck and hands became more pronounced, as the speed and the intensity of her movements kept increasing. She opened her eyes again, and looked at Therese. There was such lust, such longing, and such fire in her gaze that Therese has never seen before in her life. The red cheeks, the drops of sweat on her forehead, the sparkling eyes and the ecstatic expression were making her look like a Mucha painting. She closed her eyes again, frowned slightly and breathed in through her teeth. 

“I can not bear it any longer! Is this hard enough?” she moaned in desperation. Therese could feel her knees getting weak as she walked to the bed and crawled on top of Carol. Her heart was racing as she felt the intense and longing heat of the other woman’s body. She was on the edge, no doubt. Just a little push…

Therese took Carol's both wrists and put them behind her head. She bent her head down, kneeling over her, and put a long, silky kiss on her cold, opened lips. She put her own crotch, dressed in underpants, against Carol’s hot center, and brushed against her once, twice. She could clearly feel Carol’s body going in for more, but she pulled back again. She saw the question in Carol’s teared up eyes. Therese gave her a little bite in her earlobe and licked her jawline. Then she placed a fleeting kiss on Carol’s lips again and smiled. 

“I will see you tonight,” she said in a playful tone as she got up, grabbing the rest of her clothes and walking away. 

“Therese!” she heard Carol’s half amused, half frustrated cry from the bedroom and heard a pillow fly against the door as she closed it. “I will not forget you this, you perfidious shuckster! Metro at 8!” 


	4. Chapter 4

The rain has ceased, but the sky was heavy with thick, dark grey clouds, and a cold wind was stroking the streets of the Upper West-Side. The air smelled of wet concrete and evening freshness. Therese got out of her taxi, clutched the coat closer to her neck as the wind blew into her hair, and walked towards the entrance of the art deco building. Broadway was shimmering with colorful lights and people who came outside to have a deep breath of the night life, despite the unfriendly weather. The big letters on the impressive theater building read ROMAN HOLIDAY, something that seemed like a perfect form of escape from the chilly early spring in New York downtown. 

Carol was nowhere to be seen. A wave of excitement went through Therese’s chest when she remembered the events of the past 24 hours. First the drinks, then the fiery arguments, then the sleepless night, and finally the lustful morning. She could still hear Carol’s heavy breathing and silent moans, when she concentrated hard enough. She hoped she didn’t take it too far, leaving Carol there, all naked, shaking and fragile like that. But no, she thought, how could it. Carol liked it, she knew that much for sure. 

Therese took out a cigarette and placed it between her lips, but before she even managed to pull out a lighter, a broad-shouldered, well-dressed man standing nearby almost jumped to her rescue and offered his own. 

“There you go, doll. My pleasure!” he said and gave her a bright smile. He wasn’t bad looking at all, Therese thought. But right now she felt slightly disturbed by the presence of a stranger in something that was hers and Carol’s only. 

“Thank you, you’re very kind,” she smiled back at him. His eyes lingered on her face as he was obviously thinking of something to say to keep the conversation going. 

“So what’s a pretty girl like you doing all the way up here at Broadway by herself?” 

“Oh, I—“ she took a quick puff from her cigarette, “I’m waiting for a friend. We’re going to the Metro Theatre right here to see a movie.” 

She could hear herself blabbering nervously as she saw him staring at her lips. 

“Is your friend your boyfriend as well?”

“What, are you writing a book? Ah, there she is.”

Therese sighed with relief as she saw Carol’s majestic, fur-coated figure step outside her car in front of the theatre. She stood up, brushed a curl off her face with an automatism that is so very own to her, and looked around. When she noticed Therese, standing there in the company of a stranger, she tilt her head slightly and a hint of smile danced across her lips as she walked towards them. 

“I see you've already managed to get yourself a date,” she said, her deep voice resonating in every cell of Therese’s body. A flash of a memory ran through her mind, of this confident, beautiful woman who was now standing in front of her, lying on her bed, her legs spread and her nightdress up to her belly. Carol came up to her and gave her a kiss on her cheek, placing her hand on Therese’s arm in a slightly possessive way. 

“My bad ladies, I was so cranked to see such a pretty face that I didn’t even say my name. It’s Nate,” he said and reached his hand out to Therese, who shook it absently, and then to Carol who gave him a smile in return. 

“A pleasure, Nate.”

A moment of an awkward silence ensued.

“So can I make you company for tonight, or are you waiting for the men?”

Carol laughed amusedly and tightened her grip around Therese’s arm. 

“Actually, we’re waiting for the men to leave us,” she said then, gave him a pat on the shoulder, and turned around. 

“Let’s go, my darling. The movie starts any minute now, let’s not miss it. Lovely meeting you, Nate!”

With that, they left him standing there, staring after them with an expression of mixed amusement and utter confusion. 

“Have fun, ladies!”

“Oh you have no idea,” Carol responded under her breath and Therese burst out laughing. After she calmed down, she pushed herself Closer to Carol and laid her head on her shoulder briefly. 

“Hi,” she said. 

“It’s nice to see you.” 

Carol looked at her thoughtfully. 

“It’s nice to see you too, my angel,” she finally said, her deep voice trembling with emotions. “It’s been one hell of a day,” she sighed deeply, “I’ve been on the phone with my lawyer for hours, then Rindy called, Abby came over to help me with unpacking the rest of my things, it’s been a mess.”

Carol payed for the tickets absently. 

“Sorry I didn’t, in the morning I mean, sorry I didn’t—“ 

“Stay and help? Oh no, don’t be silly Therese. I’m a grown woman, I can handle myself.” 

Therese was slightly puzzled by Carol’s response, since she wasn’t completely certain what she was referring to. Either way, she felt like she should have stayed. 

“What did you do?”

“I’ve had a busy day myself. Saturday is hardly ever a weekend back at the NYT, so I’ve spent all afternoon at the redaction, listening to old men talking about boring things.”

“Sounds like what my whole life has been like so far,” Carol chuckled. Just when they arrived to their seats, the lights dimmed and the movie was about to start. They took their coats off and sat down next to each other.

 

“She looks just like you.” 

A silent whisper accompanied by a hint of Carol’s perfume tickled Therese’s ear. She couldn’t help but smile. 

“You’re being crazy. It’s Audrey. No one in the entire world looks like Audrey, that’s why she’s Audrey.”

“Hush,” Carol breathed out excitedly, “and yet, you could easily pass for her twin sister.”

“Carol, stop it, you’re making me blush.”

“Oh, am I? And I haven’t even started yet.”

Therese shuffled nervously and gave Carol an uncertain look. We’re in the theatre, for my god’s sake. What is she up to? 

Shortly after Ann had her hair cut short in a barber shop, Therese could feel Carol reaching out her hand and placing it on her thigh discretely. She pretended not to notice, as well as Carol pretended it’s not happening. After a few eternal minutes, the warm touch started to move. Slowly, very slowly, towards Therese’s crotch. She took a shaky breath as she knew this was absolutely not something they should be doing in such a public place, but decided to play along, just for the thrill of it.

Just for the thrill of it? She barely recognized her own voice inside her head, telling her to relax and give in to Carol’s game. 

The long, delicate fingers were sliding across the fabric over her groin, very gently, almost unnoticeably, making her core explode with desire. She could feel how her own body came out against Carol’s hand, no matter how hard she was trying to hold back. Then, Carol bend herself over to her seat, pretending to whisper something in Therese’s ear. In fact, she just wanted to get her face closer, close enough to feel the soft, hot breath on her lips. She came so close they almost kissed, but whenever Therese went in for one, Carol just shook her head and drew back slightly. Her fingers were playing her like a string instrument, intertwining the tension of the strings with the soft sound they make as they are being touched. Therese has never experienced anything like this in her life. She barely even knew it was possible, to allow someone to make her feel so bare, so vulnerable, so willing. Her crotch was on fire, she could almost feel how wet she was getting, just from the fleeting touch through the fabric of her clothes. 

“Is this a payback?” she stuttered almost, trying to catch her breath and hold her composure, her hands clutching the armrests of her seat.

Carol didn’t answer. She just smiled in the dark, and for a while she drew her hand back, pretending to be watching the movie again. Therese felt like she was about to start screaming for Carol’s touch any second. It took many deep breaths until she finally managed to calm down, the blood rush in her head ceased, and she could see what was going on in Rome again. 

“Do you want more?” 

Therese could feel the goosebumps all over her body. 

“I do, just not here, let’s get out of here.”

Carol lift a finger in the air and moved it in disagreement, before placing it on Therese’s lips. 

“You wish, don’t you? I am not bored with the movie just yet. Let’s watch some more.” 

Therese closed her eyes tight when she felt Carol’s hand slowly finding its way back into the warmth of her crotch. Her mouth opened to give way to her speeding up breathing. She had to give all she’s got not to let out a single moan. Carol was stroking her, tapping her pants with the tips of her fingers, being gentle but persistent. 

“When I see what it’s doing to you,” Carol said calmly, “I must try this with my tongue someday.” 

Terese could feel tears running down her cheeks. She was short of breath and her legs were shaking uncontrollably. She was thanking god that today’s screening wasn’t as crowded as it usually was, yet she still managed to get a few indignant looks by now.

“I can not take this, Carol. Please take me home,” she whined, crying with longing by now. 

“What a coincidence, I think I’ve got a car right here. But are you sure you don’t want to finish the—“ 

“No, I want to finish, just not the movie. Let’s go.” 

Therese wiped off her tears and had to laugh silently at her own madness. She held Carol’s hand and dragged her through the carpeted halls filled with movie posters and staring people outside, to her cream-colored car. 

“My place? It’s good hour ride.”

“Well, then you better goose it, dolly.” 

Carol threw her head back in laughter.

"Oh my! No one has called me that for at least the last ten years!" 


	5. Chapter 5

The coral-colored high-heeled baby dolls were scattered all over the hall, together with the black-and-white leather saddles. Her creamy boucle coat was on the ground in the corridor, next to Therese’s checkered waist jacket. Their blouses, pants and undergarments paved their reckless way to the bedroom and spoke of the blinding longing that has led them there. 

Carol was lying on the bed, her naked body slightly shivering from the cold, night air. Therese’s head was resting on her chest, breathing calmly and deeply as only the sleeping can. Her slender body was curled up against hers, wrapped up in the covers so that there was not a piece left for Carol. How typical. She didn’t mind though. A pristine feeling of utter happiness and satisfaction was flowing through her body, and she liked the way the chilly air was making her aware of every inch of her skin. 

She thought about her past life. How distant and surreal it all suddenly seemed: her countless days as the perfect housewife, a nightingale in a golden cage. Has she been unhappy with Harge? No, of course not. He’s a good man. Caring, although slightly possessive, but he always made her feel safe and provided for. At least up until the day she realized that she wasn’t able to tell safety from prison, and providence from suffocation. She was in love with him, madly even, but those days are now gone. They’ve had a good life, she couldn’t complain really. Her needs were always looked after, she never lacked anything on the material side. But she knew deep in her heart that his love for her was but a shard, a little drop in his life filled with business wars, social games and contract liaisons. From a girlfriend, a wife and a mother to his child, she eventually became a trinket, a pendant to his perfectly fitted suit. All what’s been left from their long-gone love was Rindy, the little angel with Carol’s eyes and Harge’s smile. For a very long time, Rindy has been her only reason to get up in the morning and live through the day. She was no longer alone in the enormous, English-style house. She made her world spin around the little angel, and gave all her life energy to ensure her daughter’s well-being. 

Harge has been oblivious to her withdrawal. She hasn’t shared her bed with him for almost two years by now. She missed the touch, but not his. Not anyone’s in particular. Every time she went for an afternoon tea to Abby (that’s how they called their secret afternoon martini drinking), and listened to her outrageous escapades involving all kinds of women in all kinds of situations, she couldn’t help the piercing sensation in het stomach. Was it envy? Excitement? Jealousy? She couldn’t tell. But it was there, just waiting for its moment to burst out from underneath the surface and get completely out of her control. 

And then Abby would look at her with those auburn eyes of hers, and ask something like “And how about you, Carol? Still letting the dust settle?”

Carol smirked at that memory. Abby has never really been the one to sugar coat her thoughts, especially when they concerned her life with Harge. But that seems to be over now. She looked down at the younger girl’s soft profile. 

“How did we turn each other’s life upside down like this?” she whispered into Therese’s hair. 

“You have no idea, do you? Me neither. Let’s go with the flow and see where this takes us.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Yes?”

“Carol! Oh thank goodness! You haven’t been answering my calls for ages. Is there something wrong?”

A long moment of silence ensued. Therese could hear her breathing on the other side. 

“Carol, please, say something.”

Carol took a long shot from a cigarette between her shaky fingers before she could answer. 

“I’ve- I’ve been busy. With things.”

“What things?” Therese started to sound impatient, she could tell. She was trying her best to control her emotions though.

“Does it matter? Does anything matter at all?” 

Carol’s voice was hysterical and she didn’t make any sense at all. 

“I’m coming over,” Therese said firmly, “You’ve been alone for all those days and I don’t even know what’s up. What’s going on? Did something happen to Rindy?”

“NO. No. No, Rindy’s fine. She’s fine. Let’s go out tonight, shall we? I don’t want to be between these four walls any longer. It will drive me mad. Let’s go walk around the Central Park tonight. You can wait for me by Frankie’s bar at nine.”

The tired voice spoke and then the line fell silent. 

“I’ve missed you,” Therese said dully into the phone. Her answer was nothing but the static silence. 

 

Therese spent the whole afternoon blankly staring at the ceiling of her flat. Her head was full of confused and alarmed thoughts. She hasn’t seen Carol in days, which was very unlike her, to not even give a call or send a note. Up until today there has been no response from her side what so ever. So what is the cause of all this? 

She remembered Carol being this way. It was when she left her behind in the Midwest. Therese understood the urgency of family matters completely, and she always did her best not to stand in their way in any manner. But Carol was impossible when it came to sharing her burdens. She usually just withdrew and showed no sign of life until she would bite through it herself. Therese tried to convince her for a million times that she was there for her, but with little success. Carol was a stubborn woman. And there is no point in fighting those, Therese knew that much. 

 

Therese stood there on the corner of the 85th Street and 5th Ave. She knew Carol lived just a few blocks from here, yet it was already twenty over nine and there was no sign of her. She was well aware that punctuality wasn’t one of Carol’s best virtues, still this was the first time she let her wait for so long. Something was definitely off. 

The door of Frankie's bar opened and a visibly intoxicated woman stumbled out of it. She looked around, and when she spotted Therese, she made a few unsure steps towards her. 

“Excuse me, lady. I’m sorry to be a bother, but—“ 

She spoke with some difficulty and reeked of alcohol. Therese frowned slightly, but didn’t back off. She seemed harmless. 

“But I’m kinda indisposed right now. Would you be a dear and call me a cab? I’m afraid I might just get hit by it before I manage to do so myself.” 

As she said that, she leaned against the wall and wiped her face with the back of her hand. Only now Therese could see that she was crying. 

“Oh, sure. Are you all right?”

Therese walked to the edge of the pavement and held her arm out to alert the approaching taxi driver. He nodded to let her know he noticed and pulled over. Therese walked to the woman and offered her an arm. 

“I’m fine I guess. I just wanna get away from the flaming idiot. Billy. He told me he loved me!  Would you believe it? Seems like it’s his ultimate password for access under just about any skirt.” 

The woman started crying again as Therese helped her get into the taxi. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she could hear herself blabbering impassively.

“Don’t be a fool, pretty girl. Don’t waste your life on people that aren’t worth it.” 

With that, she slammed the door of the Taxi closed and the car took off. Therese just kept standing there dumbfounded on the side of the road. She felt as if this whole scene has just been a hallucination. 

“Where is she?” 

Another drunk voice just sounded from the door of the bar. A tall man stood there, clenching his fists. His eyes were scanning the street only to stop at Therese. 

“Did you just see a woman walk out of here? About as tall as you, brunette, blue jacket?” Obviously he wasn’t as drunk as the woman he was looking for, but still his stance was wobbly  enough and there was a strange sparkle in his eyes. 

“She just took a taxi. But if your name is Bobby, I don’t believe she’ll want to see you. She seemed upset.” 

He raised his eyebrows and started walking towards her.

“And who the hell do you think you are, getting into other people’s business?” 

Therese stood her ground, but felt an iron fist clenching in her stomach. 

_Where the hell is Carol?_

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to— I mean, you asked, so I told you.” 

He grabbed her arm and pulled her to the pavement, making her hit the wall with her back. She ran short of breath for a few seconds, more with shock than anything else. She stared at him in horror.

“You are all the same! Just pulling our socks when it’s convenient for you, not appreciating the good guys we are being to you! Alright, I’m gonna be a bad guy now, if that’s what you all want.” 

His face was close enough for her to be able to distinguish the warm smell of alcohol and cigarettes, mixed with sweat and residues of cologne. She kept staring into his eyes like a mesmerized deer staring into the spotlights of a nearing truck. 

“THERESE?!”

He froze, and looked around as if it was his name that the voice called. Soon enough Therese was relieved to see the familiar tall figure, dressed in a light coat with a fur collar, her tall boots clapping on the pavement at a fast pace.

“What on Earth is going on?” Carol approached them, her eyes wide with disbelief. 

“Sorry babe, but your little friend here—“ 

The words froze in his mouth as he realized that as a result of a few seconds of rummaging in her handbag, the woman pulled out a .38 revolver and its black eye was staring expressionless right into his face. 

“I believe you’d better go as long as it’s still easy to take your face with you,” she hissed through her teeth. Her eyes were flaming with rage and her face was pale. 

“What the fuck lady, calm down, I’m off!” he squealed, and without paying any attention to Therese anymore, he ran off. “Crazy bitch!”

“Carol oh my goodness, _put the thing away!”_  

Therese jumped to her, her own feet still shaking with shock and fear. She made Carol hide the gun in her handbag again, before anyone noticed what was going on. From Therese’s guess when she looked at her, any policeman would not consider her stable enough to wield such a thing. 

“Why do you even have it on you?”

Carol finally looked at her, as if she had just woken up from a dream. Her face looked tired and the rage in her eyes changed into sadness and worry. 

“Are you well, my love? Hasn’t he hurt you?”

She took Therese’s face into her palms and kissed her on the corner of her mouth. Therese didn’t protest, but couldn’t help the feeling of irritation spreading through her. 

“I’m fine, it’s all good. A drunk idiot. Can we please just go now?” 

Carol nodded, and a hint of a smile flew across her face. 

 

The park was full of life despite the advanced hour. People were attending late-night concerts and outdoor performances, live speeches and discussions, groups of students were hanging about, enjoying the time off their study hours, old and young couples in love were walking around the lake, holding hands and whispering to each other. It was a lovely sight, foretelling the upcoming spring. 

Carol was holding Therese’s arm, staring blankly into the distance. Therese hoped she’d just start talking by herself, she didn’t want to force her into anything. But after another twenty minutes of waiting, she just couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

“Carol, please just tell me what’s going on. You’re not being yourself.” 

The woman let out a deep sigh and pulled Therese closer to herself.

“It’s getting chilly at night, isn’t it? You should’ve taken a thicker jacket.” 

“Carol!” Therese almost squealed in desperate anger. “Talk to me, god damn it! What kind of a relationship is this if you never tell me what’s wrong with you! I’m dying on your mysterious disappearances and unexplained withdrawals and dodging of all my efforts to be of any help to you! I love you Carol, I do, but if you don’t let me in I don’t think I can—“ 

“He’s taking her to Europe.”

Therese stopped. She felt as if she’s being deceived by her own senses. 

“What did you say?” 

Carol looked at her. There was a smile on her face, but Therese believed none of it. 

“Harge, he’s taking our daughter to Europe. He says he’s got a big business opportunity there, apparently he’s been planning this for weeks.  And only bothered to tell me now. They’re leaving next Monday.” 

Her voice broke. A tear ran down her cheek as she stared at Therese. 

“Would you believe it? Europe! Such a wonderful place. They’re going to stay in Brussels for the first half a year.” 

Therese ran out of words to say. She sat Carol down on the nearest bench and held her hands tight. How much this must hurt Carol was beyond her imagination. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I—“ 

“No, please don’t be, I had no idea that it was so bad.”

“Yes. Yes I am. He made me choose, and I chose you over the rest of my family. I gave my daughter up for you, as horrible as it sounds. Why are people even forced to make such inhumane choices? But I am not saying this to make you feel guilty. No. I am saying this to make you feel how important you are to me. You are all I’ve got left. And I could lose even you so easily. It’s making my heart ache when I think of it.”

Therese hugged Carol tight. She didn’t reciprocate immediately, but Therese could feel her body relaxing a little bit underneath her arms.

“My dearest Carol. My beautiful Carol. I am with you. And I will always be by your side, no matter what. I love you. And I will go to Europe with you to visit Rindy. She’s a big girl now, she’ll be fine, you’ll see. Harge is a great father, as you are a great mother. She knows it, trust me.”

Carol couldn’t stop the sobbing anymore, shaking her whole body, tears running down her cheeks. 

“I don’t think she does. I don’t think she understands why mommy is not with her.” 

Therese pressed her tighter and gave her a kiss on her hair. 

“If she doesn’t now, she will one day. Once she grows up to be the strong, beautiful and smart woman you taught her to be and once she realizes the importance of love… And happiness. Believe me, she’ll wish for her wonderful mother to be happy.” 

“I wish you were right.”

Carol finally wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged Therese back. She was crying silently into her scarf. Then finally, after a few infinite minutes, she spoke:

“Therese please don’t leave me. You’re the only thing I’ve left here.”

Therese drew back, palming Carol’s face, giving her a reassuring smile. 

“I’m right here. And so is Abby. And Thomas. And Martha. And all the other people who care for you deeply. We’ll get through this together, okay?”

Carol nodded and finally, for the first time that evening, she smiled at Therese and meant it. 

“You are my angel, you know that? My sweet, sweet angel.”

“Flung out of space.”

Carol breathed out amusedly. 

“Yes. Out of space indeed. Who else would pick a fight on the streets of New York in the middle of the night?”

“You do not speak of it to me. You were the one pulling out a roscoe! Why are you even carrying it with you?”

Carol wiped off her tears. “I enjoy saving ladies in distress,” she responded in a serious tone.

Therese sighed, rolled her eyes and stood up, reaching her arm out to Carol who looked up to her in surprise. 

“Where are you going?”

“ _We_ are going to your place. I am sure you haven’t had a proper meal in days. I’ll make you something you like, we’ll have a cup of tea and we can talk some more. Or we won’t, as you’d prefer. I’ll hug you all night through, just… Preferably not here?”

Carol nodded her head with an agreeing smile and got up. 

“You lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. It took me forever to update. But I wanted to end this on a more serious note, and it needed a bit of a thought before I got to it. I hope you like the result, although it may not have been what y'all expected. ;)   
> Still, thanks to each and every one of you who took the time to read / comment / send me kudos. Your support is everything!


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